What game are you playing?

Feeling stuck

Jenny came to me 6 months ago feeling totally over it.

She was working in a dream job she had chased for years. By all rights, she should have been loving it. But she was coming home tired, grumpy, and frustrated.

I wrote this down from our first conversation:

"Honestly, I feel trapped. I've put so much time, money and energy getting this amazing role and I'm not even enjoying it. Like, what the hell? But also, I can't back out now."

She actually had another job offer on the cards when we met. (This would have lost her about $40k per year in salary). But instead, she decided to see if we could get the spark back for her (supposedly) dream role.

Big shifts

We've just wrapped up the coaching programme and and what unfolded was pretty amazing.

No, she hasn't just accepted things as they are. No, she hasn't quit and moved to Fiji.

I love what she said in our last session: "Paul, it's like you said - I actually look forward to Monday mornings now".

The funny thing is - nothing much has changed externally. It's still the same job. Same location. Same people. Same boss. Same day-to-day problems.

But what's shifted is how she experiences the work.

Whose game are you playing?

I love this question and the thinking behind it.

Are you playing your own game or somebody else's?

To start taking control of Jenny's game, we first identified her Dominant Way and her Developing Way. They looked like this.

Then we developed three guiding questions for investigation. These were:

1. Needs: How do I stay connected to myself and my needs?
2. Priorities: How do I know what's my responsibility and what I can let go of?
3. Intentions: How do I stay true to my original intentions for this work?

The results

Jenny wanted to stay anonymous as there was some sensitive stuff going on at her work.

But she was happy for me to share her story and these quotes from our final session:

• "What surprised me was how my personal relationships shifted. It's weird 'cos I'm way more tolerant of people who used to piss me off... but I'm also much less tolerant of bull#$%^. Like, I'll just say 'no' if I need to, and I'll walk away to get on with what I need to do rather than getting pulled into the drama."
• "The biggest quick win was learning to say no without feeling guilty. That freed up at least an hour a day, if not more."
• "The other thing that's sticking with me is the change to my schedule and how that totally shifts my mindset when I'm away from work."

Pretty awesome eh. I love walking alongside busy professionals and leaders to shift how they experience their workplace.