How do your nerves impact the group? 😥

"It went well, but I'm wrecked."

A client in a recent coaching session was reflecting on an important workshop they had just led. I often get asked how do I manage my nerves when I'm facilitating or leading a large group. People tell me I appear so calm and relaxed.

I love it when this question comes up, because it's a critical issue. It's much harder to achieve breakthroughs within a group if you yourself are stressed and wired.

Paradoxically, the more we try to force something in a group, the more likely it is to slip from our fingers. It's like meditating - we need to cultivate a state of relaxed awareness. Much easier said than done!

Good facilitation flows

When we've prepared well (but we're not attached to that preparation); when we're in a state of calm readiness (but not attached to that state), and when we know we have the tools to adapt... that's when facilitation flows out of us.

It's an intense experience, but the stress is healthy and productive. And the impact on the group performance can be profound.

Work feels much less like work when our environment enables us to contribute our best. It's a fulfilling experience.

But often that's not the case...

Facilitation is torture for many people

Sometimes working in groups is a hard graft.

Many people go out of their way to avoid leading meetings, workshops and events. The thought of standing at the front of the room guiding proceedings is terrifying. It's stressful. When they lead the group, it's torture - for them and the group.

Tone-deaf facilitation

I've been in meetings where the leader appears to be oblivious to their impact on the group. It's like they're tone-deaf. People are singing a rich chorus, but they can only hear one tone. (Theirs.)

I remember one such meeting in my first week at The Ministry of Justice. We were 30 minutes into a 3-hour workshop when two General Managers burst into the room, talking and laughing. "Sorry for butting in," one of them says. "Did we miss much? Where are you up to?"

They then proceeded to overtake the meeting and take it right off track. Tone-deaf to the experience for everybody else in the room, especially the railroaded facilitator at the helm.

Tone-deaf leadership happens when we're unaware of group dynamics and can't pick up on people's emotions, reactions and responses. We're not stressed (which is good) but we're probably not having a positive impact because there's so much we're missing.

Tense facilitation

Other people are competent at the front of the room, but in reality they are stressed. Tense. Stuck in their heads. Overtaken by their feelings. Worried about what people are thinking of them. Physically present but emotionally overwhelmed.

I often hear facilitation and leadership experts likening this to a swan - looking graceful on the surface but paddling like hell underneath.

What about you?

How would you describe your experience of leading by facilitation?

Torture?

Tone-deaf?

Tense?

Or is it your happy place where you feel like everything just flows?

If you'd like your meetings and workshops to flow well in 2024, email me to join the waitlist for my next Leading by Facilitation Taster Session. I'd love to make that your reality from now on.