Want better answers? Ask better questions

One of the challenges with leading by facilitation is asking the right question at the right time.

I'm obsessed with questions. I liken them to a wizard's wand. With a slash of your wand, you can create entire worlds with your questions. (And just like a wizard's wand... questions can be used for good or evil.)

A coaching client recently asked me: "How do you ask such annoyingly good questions?"

The honest answer is... practice. Lots of it. It's part of what I found so valuable about hosting the Beyond Consultation Podcast.

Apart from practice, there are 3 keys to asking better questions.

1. Your INTENT

What's behind your question? Why are you asking it?

The bad news is people can smell when you're trying to make a point through your question. When your question is actually an opinion in disguise.

But the good news is they can also sense curiosity, which is the foundation for a good question. As Dale Carnegie said: "To be interesting, be interested."

2. The DEPTH of your question

How deep is your question digging?

Many of us never get past surface level questions.

The ORID model conceived by the Institute of Cultural Affairs in Canada is really helpful here.

👁️OBJECTIVE questions are the shallowest level.

What happened? What did you see? What did she say?

💭REFLECTIVE questions go a bit deeper.

What did you think about that? How did that make you feel?

🤔INTERPRETIVE questions are where the magic is at. These are the ones many of us forget about or don't know to ask.

What do you think means? Why not? What's really going on here?

🎯DECISIONAL questions are what we often jump to too early.

What should we do? Should we do [this] or [that]? How could we learn from that?

3. Your WORDS

The exact language you use matters.

For instance, people often don't respond as well to questions that start with "why" than questions that start with "what" or "how".

Consider these two questions: Why'd you do that? vs What was going on for you at that moment?

The first question feels like an interrogation. (Or worse, an accusation!) The second feels like an inquiry.

...

So there we have it.

Three key things to improve to get better at asking questions.

1. Your INTENT

2. The DEPTH of your question

3. Your WORDS

(Of course, we also have to be good listeners too... but that's a post for another day!)