Are you a doormat too?

Lately, in my coaching sessions, there’s been one recurring theme.

"How do I set boundaries without becoming the bad guy?"

One client described it this way:

"Paul, I'm sick of being a doormat!

But I seem to attract people who take up all the airtime."

Sound like you too?

The Turning Point

We decided to do a quick role play. I pretended to be the person monopolising her time - going on and on.

The seconds ticked by as I jabbered on…20, 30… Finally, I had to stop.

"You're not interrupting! I pointed out with a chuckle.

"I don't want to," she said. "It feels too mean!"

This isn’t unusual. Purpose-driven people often put others’ needs first. But we can’t help others effectively if we’re running on empty.

So, how do we draw the line without feeling guilty or sounding harsh?

The 3-Part Process for Boundary-Setting

Here’s a simple framework I shared with her. It’s quick, effective, and can make all the difference.
1. FACTS – Start with what happened in clear, neutral language.
2. FEELINGS – Share how the situation impacted you personally.
3. NEEDS – Finish by stating what you need.

Here's how it sounds in action if you need a breather from a heavy conversation:

• FACTS: This conversation about racism...
• FEELINGS: is overwhelming for me right now.
• NEEDS: I need to step outside and get a breather."

Or to stop a workmate picking your brains on Saturday morning:

• FACTS: It's Saturday morning, and...
• FEELINGS: I'm struggling to get my head into work talk.
• NEEDS: Send me an email with your thoughts.

Ready to Set Boundaries Without the Guilt?

If this sounds like a challenge you’re facing, let’s talk.

It's all very well reading about it, but we actually need to build the muscles over time. Together, we can work on setting boundaries so you can do more work that matters.

Remember, you matter.
Paul