How to have "hard" conversations

Having spoken at four conferences in the past fortnight, I've heard some common themes. The winter blues are here big time in the Southern Hemisphere, and people are hunkering down to avoid the next tsunami (literally and figuratively!) Is that you too?

The challenge is, as leaders, these times are when people need us to step up. Yep, we have to keep going with things we may not enjoy.

That includes having important (but challenging) conversations.

You know the type I mean, right? Giving unwanted feedback, reducing resources, changing direction, or any one of a dozen other undesirable things.

These conversations make or break people.

Handle them poorly, and you'll have a toxic culture and a slew of resignations on your desk - or worse, a personal grievance claim to deal with.

But how do we have these conversations in a way that builds trust, understanding, and meaningful change?

First, let's stop calling them hard conversations

I mean, who wants to have a difficult conversation? Not me. Not anybody, except maybe that one friend who likes to argue.

That's why they got rebranded as "brave conversations" or "courageous conversations". To be honest, that's not much better. What if I don't feel brave? Does that mean I can just avoid them? Phew.

No, I think we should start calling them "curious conversations". After all, that directs us towards the ideal stance: being interested, seeking to understand, working to listen - not just ramming our thoughts down somebody else's throats.

But how do we get into a curious conversation?

It can feel really awkward to just dive in when you've got something important to talk about. Many of us wander around feeling resentful and then never have the conversation. (Me included!)

I shared a way around that in one of my conference presentations. Check that out here. It's a short 3-minute video with plenty of audience banter about an unwanted teacup...

All the outcomes we seek are on the other side of a bigger conversation. What conversations are you avoiding, I wonder? Whatever it is, the sooner you have that conversation, the better.

Cheers,

Paul

P.S. Download The Question Formula here so you can ask any question, of any person, any time>>