Frames change the game

Under attack

Last year, one of my clients was preparing to give feedback to their board chair about some toxic behaviour behind the scenes.

She's the CEO of a membership association and her volunteer board was causing more than a few headaches. (The challenge is the board members are volunteers... and also paying members of the association... and also friends... so it was both political and personal.)

"Okay," I said.

"Imagine I'm your board chair. What would you say?"

As the imaginary chair, I felt under attack within seconds! I found myself wanting to reach through the Zoom screen to scream and defend myself!

Minutes later, we practised again.

She said almost the same thing, but it sounded completely different because of one critical tweak.

The frame changes the game

Chapter 12 is one of my favourite chapters in The Question Effect, as I go deep into the importance and mechanics of framing.

A frame is the context we set around an issue. It gives everything else meaning and relevance. Gail Fairhurst calls it the ability to paint a picture with words. And not just any picture, but the bigger picture.

For instance:

• If I say the word "red" in the context of a happy relationship, you might think love hearts and Valentines Day.
• If I say the word "red" in the context of an argument, you might think anger and a charging bull.

The word "red" didn't change, but you heard something different each time. The frame changed, and therefore the meaning changed.

Back to our practice conversation

When we analysed the association CEO's words, we realised she was following this format:

1. FACTS: This is what happened

2. NEEDS: This is what I'd like next.

There was no frame, which meant the words could be interpreted in multiple ways: perhaps as well-meaning; or perhaps as an attack. As a roaring red bull or as a soppy romantic card.

For the second round, we inserted a frame:

1. FRAME: This is what it's about
2. FACTS: This is what happened
3. NEEDS: This is what I'd like next.

She simply began with:

"Hey, I've been thinking about how to make the most of our next board meeting."

This frame completely changed how I heard everything else. It stopped sounding like a big moan session and started sounding like a constructive conversation.

She who controls the frame controls the conversation.

Learning how to frame - and reframe - is such a critical leadership skill, but it hardly ever gets taught. When I look at leadership development programmes, they never include anything on this. It's all personality types and performance planning and finding your purpose. Good stuff, for sure.

But when in doubt, we have to zoom out.

Framing is the tool that allows us to see the bigger picture - and therefore to change the bigger picture.

It's powerful stuff.

Paul